Harmonious Holidays When a Loved One is Living with Dementia

Hospice of the Valley’s Director of Community Engagement Lin Sue Flood and Dementia Program Director Maribeth Gallagher have both experienced the challenges of supporting a loved one with dementia. 

LSF: Tell us a little bit about what you learned when you were taking care of a family member living with dementia during the holidays?

MG: I learned the hard way. Then it got better. We simplified the traditional elaborate dinner to focus on the items that she most enjoyed. Gatherings became smaller and scheduled for noon when she was at her best. We prepared the guests for the cognitive changes they would witness and shared ideas on how best to communicate. We offered favorite topics and stories she loved to hear and gave gifts that she’d appreciate. We knew when she would tire and invited her to take a brief nap in a quiet place. We tapped into the traditional holiday memories she continued to enjoy-- like sending holiday cards to loved ones and singing holiday music. We intentionally planned to keep things as simple as possible for our own well-being. I was doing the best I could and gave myself the greatest gift of all – freedom from the expectations of others! 

LSF: Does a great holiday gathering for someone living with dementia and their care partner look different than the norm?

MG: Great holiday gatherings for people living with dementia and their care partners still involve being together in relaxed situations and connecting with others through simple pleasures like favorite holiday foods, music, and movies. But there’s a conscious effort to strive for a season of comfort without all the extras that can cause stress and overwhelm. The goal is to adjust celebrations to accommodate the current abilities of the person living with dementia and avoid additional work and anxiety for the care partners.

LSF: What are one or two of the main pitfalls that keep care partners from having a good “big meal” or gathering experience?

MG: Two big ones are: sensory overload for the people living with dementia and not enough help for the caregiver. Gatherings can unintentionally lead to sensory overload and trigger distress. Consider smaller gatherings and schedule for the time of day when the person living with dementia is at his or her best. Stay vigilant for how noises, activities, and faces that might now be unfamiliar may cause stress and anxiety for the person living with dementia. Have a quiet place ready for when the person appears to need rest. When planning a holiday meal, help the care partner by bringing their favorite foods, so they too, can relax and enjoy the gathering.

LSF: Why is it so important to have a plan before the festivities begin?

MG: Simple modifications to traditional celebrations can help ensure that holidays continue to be enjoying and fulfilling for all. And, with some creativity, wonderful new traditions can be made. It’s also helpful to set expectations early so everyone is aware that the holiday gathering is evolving to accommodate the person living with dementia.

LSF: Will people be able to ask you questions specific to their situation at the end of the workshop?

MG: Absolutely. I look forward to it.